51 replies to this topic

[union-jack]

i agree and disagree with a lot of points made in these posts, i have kids of my own to, but feel my hands are tied by the pathetic laws in this country as regards disipline of children
when i was a youngster, i copped for the belt one or twice, and deseved it to, i learnt from those couple of ocassions believe me, i never did it again!
now, i have my own kids, and although i have never hit them hard or in public, i would, and have gave them a `clip` around the ear !!
my eldest lad also threatened his mother, not with a weapon, but with physical harm, and has actually bruised her arms once or twice whilst lashing out in temper, a phone call to the police was made, just for a visit and to put the 5hit5 up him. the outcome, the old bill turn up, not for a cautionary chat, they arrest him for domestic violence !!
lesson learnt, and thus far there has been no repeat of this behaviour....

there is a fine line between what is acceptable as regards punishing children, i see no harm in a cuff, but to actually beat them with a belt or stick or //////////////////whatever is out of order,

[Pax]

Hey, how many of you guys would actually hit your kids to get them disciplined, if you ever have any?

I would. Sometimes a smack is what a kid needs to pay attention, or so they know you mean business. Besides, giving a kid a whack on the butt doesnt really hurt...thats even more true if they are a toddler and are still wearing a diaper. I don't think I would ever hit in the face though, as imo, that is a sign of disrespect. I think it is important to respect your children even when punishing them.

And its different for every kid too. My mom and dad adopted my cousins son(now 3yrs old) and daughter (now 8 yrs old) and neither of them respond well to any sort of discipline. Most of that is because of various disorders from life before they were adopted and the truama in being adopted. My mom now has stacks of books on different ways to discipline your kids, and sure, it works for a week or two, but then the effects wear off.

When my fiancee and I have taken care of the kids, we've done a billion different things for discipline...putting them in the corner, to thier room, the toy they were fighting over gets taken away, etc. My little sister has a habbit of nagging about everything, so one night she kept asking when dinner would be ready, after being told a few times that I would let her know when it was done, and warning her not to ask again, she got punished. Ended up she had to sit there and wait 5 minutes before she could start eating. Since then she hasnt nagged me about dinner, so I guess that worked. She really didnt like having to watch the rest of us eat our food.

I also think the punishment should relate to the offence. For example, if the kid is fighting over a toy, take the toy away. If the kid was watching a tv show they werent supposed to, take tv privs away...or make them watch tv shows they hate. In my experience, the only thing worse than losing a privlidge I want, is being forced to do what I really hate. There are good ones for all the common things kids do. Dont finish homework? They can spend the next night doing math questions until they go to bed, or if they are older, make them write an essay about somthing they dont like. Make the punishment somthing they hate, without being mean to them. They'll learn quickly to not disobey.

And as far as your bro goes Clandestine, keep an eye on him...I'd say give him a chance, you dont want to screw his future. You may want to consider asking a professional whatyou should do, rather than ask us ;o) I highly doubt any of us can really give you 1/2 decent guidance. At least compared to a professional...

Good luck mate, keep us posted

[MK_LAGI]

I really think that hitting may or may not work depending on the kid or the enviorment he or she is brought up in. But still I think a little 'clip' around the ear is necessary.
I mean i'm sure many of you are middle aged and where brought up the old fashioned way... and i noticed many of you said you deserved it. Looking at your responses you guys look pretty ok to me. Don't you think that maybe because of how you where brought up...?


And something I want to ask is, "why" would you not hit the kid, is it because you are afraid they will hate you or they would be hurt emotionally?

Mukhtar

Edited by MK_LAGI, 15 June 2006 - 02:50 PM.

[Dirk Black]

violence breeds more violence. I hate to sound like a tree hugging pacafist but there is no sense in it.

[Snoug]

Well IMO Parenting is needed...

Hitting your children is not parenting. sorry but a little hit or a big hit will not take away your responsibility as the parent of the child.

There should be consequences for actions, but at the same time you should really be modeling proper behavior.

but i guess thats the norm nowadays... Always find reasons to why you have no fault in situations.

[TMZHosting LLC]

Just do what my brother does. lol He beats the S*** out of me. but still i wouldnt pull a knife on my mom or anything thats just crazy.

[Neodug]

Funny, I got the beats when I was a kid... my father was a very tough disciplinarian (he was a cop) and I got the 3" belt across the butt very frequently and some face slaps, but I never pulled a knife on anyone or became violent. Not saying I he was right in his methods, but there's DEFINITELY a lack of discipline among kids these days and most young folks have virtually no consequence for their actions. Parents are too busy trying to be their kids' best friend instead of their parents.

Dan

You see if my father tryed hitting me with a belt thats when i would pull a knife. Then id run like hell!

[Bryn]

Seriously, sounds the wierdest.
Sounds just like my brother, we had fight 2 weeks ago and he stabbed me in the finger and i had to have stitches.

[Illinifan91]

wow sounds like a scary situation but i think its kinda funny that this all started because of animal crossing, but the situatuion isnt funny. my brother used to yell at my mom and he eventually stopped, i believe it is because teens dont like being controlled, plus it sounds like your mom hitting him and taking your sisters side just pushed him over the edge.

[Yigs]

Alright so I just heard about something that happend at my moms house the other day.... My little brother (15) I guess hit my little sister (16) and then my mom hit him. And then he started to choke my mom and then went into the kitchen and pulled a knife on her saying that hes going to ****ing kill her.

This is just the info that I got from my brother. I havnt talked to my mom yet and got all the facts. Im try to contact her. I live all the way in AZ and they live in CA I wont be able to go over there until friday.

I dont know what to do with him. I cant kick his *** cuase I can go to jail, but my dad said that me and my two other brothers (23 and 25) should scare him straight. By like pining him against the wall or floor..

Just hes soo young only 15 and already starting to **** up his life....
this is pretty hard atm...

alright that is all

-Devyn

Hi Clandestine,

I had a very similar problem with my brother aged 13 I am 22. He was very violent towards my sisters and as my mouther is a single mouther and quite ill, it was hard for them to stand up to him, as myself and my older brother we are always out/working we where rarely there when this ocured.

Anyway something very similar happened he started messing about with knifes not only against the family but also with other kids. The problem is you feel powerless to him and he knows it as you cant realy hit him because saying he is a frikin asshole and needid a little beating wont stand anywhere. So when we where all home in the day he pulled out a knife after having been in a nasty mood and being in conflict with me and everyone else in the family reducing my mother to tears, i lost it and was not having it any more pulling a knife out so when he did I tried wrestling him, only to realise how serious the situation was as it came close to my sister when she was trying to brake up the fight. so I shocked him and everyone an called the police well when he realised that he ran out the house, the police arived in minutes they took it extremly serious. from then I also came to realise how extreme the situation was , as I had become used to it. To be told by the police that deaths/knife crimes start like this so I was convinced I was doing the rite thing even if my siblings where looking at me asif to say I should have been ashamed.
The fact is what else could I have done and if I where not going to stand up to him who was?

The police later caught him, as it was his first crime he did not go to court as well as not pressing charges. I explained everything in detail about how he would call me names bring up my X when we only freshly broke up, call me a baby killer for having an abortion when i was 19 to my embarrassment.

The end result being it worked he has not been violent towards my siblings any more and he has not piked up a knife unless making salad. He now understand the consequence and how serious it is and that there is always higher authorities.

My family also have come to appreciate what I did, also having set a good example of what to do in these situations as I believe.

I have a question to you reading this. Now he is not violent and a year down the line he is still calling me hurtful things, I have to hold it all in, he has been kicked out of school as well I don't know what to do.

any advice?

[Hayden]

Hey, how many of you guys would actually hit your kids to get them disciplined, if you ever have any?

Hit? No. Spank? Yes. Also, spankings should not be done in anger, as you get all emotional with it and that's where you get problems.

My parent's used to send me to my room for a few minutes then come in, it was my step dad, came in spanked me and that was it. It was done as a means of discipline.

If you do it when you're angry, you'll get carried away and let it all out at once.


Honestly, you, your brother and your father should take him out for a man to man talk. Just the guys.

[Spyder]

I slapped my mum once when I was 14, and I wish I could take it back. There is nothing more cowardly than hitting and threatening your own mother.

I don't know much about disciplining children or whatnot being only 17 myself, it does plague my mind a lot not because I hurt her (Which I didn't), but just because I feel less of a man because of it.

I just thought I would add this thought and maybe you could use it, I don't know.